


Breathe

by Anonymous



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Other, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27614255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: In which Tommy just needs some air and ends up running away.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 4
Kudos: 287
Collections: Anonymous





	Breathe

It's late for Tommy and it's already painfully dark outside, the only light in his room was from the soft glow of his phone. It's snowing despite not being November yet. It wouldn't be long until the flurry changed into a blizzard, surrounding their houses with the cold dullness he's grown accustomed to over the years. He can't help but find it beautiful though. He turns off his phone to listen to the swirling of the wind- it sounds bitter. He's had a nice day, he thinks. He feels a bit too soft as of now, drifting into unconsciousness holding his memories of today close. The thoughts made him feel warm in the cold. 

He's half asleep when he hears the door open. His dad wasn't supposed to be home so early, he thinks. He ignores the thought, trying to force himself back to his previous state. He didn't want to be awake if his dad was home. He isn't that lucky tonight, he figures when he can hear his voice- not loud enough for him to tell what he was saying, just loud enough for him to hear the vibrations. Taunting, it sounds taunting. He hated how he couldn't tell if he was angry or happy. If wants to go downstairs to check, make sure his mom's okay, but he's feeling selfish today- he closes his eyes shut and prays for him to go to bed too. 

It's louder this time- his voice heightened like the anxiety Tommy wishes he didn't have. He wishes he didn't leave his earbuds at his friend's house. He bites his tongue, pushes his head into his pillow. It doesn't help. 

_ Shut up. Stop talking.  _

It's anger that starts bubbling inside him. He feels guilty for feeling it. He wants him to shut up. Why was he even in this house anymore. He doesn't stop talking and Tommy feels destructive. He kicks the bed, as if it'll do anything to get him to stop. Just anything to get him out of his head. Why did he have to feel like this. It won't help. He doesn't care. He's acting like a child but he's too tired to care.

_ Please stop.  _

It's the sadness that he feels draining him. He feels the tears start to prick at his eyes, it burns. He hates it. He can't escape him. He wonders if his dad is even still making noise, maybe Tommy's finally gone mad. Maybe he's hearing the things he doesn't even want to hear. 

_ Go away.  _

Anxiety fills him, he feels it at its peak. It's all too much. He wants to calm down. He wants him gone. His hand instinctively reaches for his wrist, scratching at it, desperate to get rid of the noise. He didn't even realize it until he was bleeding, his skin raw and red. It's still all too much, voice way too loud. He wants to yell- to fight back- but he stays where he is, his whole body feels heavy. It's suffocating him. He was stuck in the bottom of the ocean, the pressure on his lungs- crushing, breaking. It's almost like Tommy could feel the weight on his chest.

He needed to  _ breathe _ .

He needed to get out of there. 

It's a blur of him grabbing his phone, his dad yelling at him, his mom calling for him, and suddenly he's outside in the storm. 

And he runs. Snow crunching under his shoes as the world seems to move all too quickly around him. He doesn't know where he's going. He just knows he can't be home. 

Not with his dad on the verge of another freakout. He couldn't cope with it. He couldn't stop him. His eyes burn from the wind, but he doesn't stop running. Adrenaline filled his bones and he could almost feel all the pent up from all the years of having to bite his tongue- of having to be tolerable to him. He's sick and tired of acting like things were normal in that house. He wanted to scream, to break something, to cry until the whole world could hear his pain, he was filled with something that could not be contained anymore. He's too caught up in his thoughts he almost forgets about how fast he's running.

Where was he?

He takes a moment to pause and scan his surroundings. He doesn't recognize the area around him when he stops to catch his breath, the cold makes it come out in visible clouds. He had somehow managed to get himself to the outskirts of a forest- one of which he had never seen before. Its tall and looming trees were towering over him, shadows fighting the already dark area. Under any other circumstances, Tommy would have avoided this place. It seemed like it was right out of a bad horror movie, but he thinks it's better than home. 

Surely he hadn't gone that far. He'd been running the whole time and he wasn't exactly the most fit of kids. How long had it been? He considers trying to walk back until he finds something he felt was familiar but immediately banishes the thought when he remembers his phone. He found comfort in the way the snow seemed to suck in the sounds around him. It became a sound of its own- it's pleasant, safe. Something he wasn't sure if he deserved. Maybe he should sit down. It's only now when he starts to notice the burn in his legs, the ache in his chest- he wishes he had been more fit in moments like these. He settles against the bark of a particularly tall and decaying tree. He tries his best to ignore how his shoes were soaked from the snow and the way his body shook in a way he wasn't able to control if he tried. He felt numb, emotions seemingly leaving his body along with his adrenaline. Everything is coming back to him at once. 

Tommy's just so,  _ so  _ cold. 

It dawns on him that he can't go home. Not tonight at least, hopefully not ever but he's never been overly optimistic about things. His pride would hurt too much, he'd be called names. He'd have to deal with all the things he can't handle anymore. 

Tommy's just way too tired. 

He fishes his phone out of his pocket, considering his options. He really wants to be able to call a friend to come save him. But it's late, and he doesn't want to make more of a mess than he already has. He has emergency money in his phone case for times like these, if he had to he could find somewhere that would let him in for the right price. He stands back up straight, deciding if that was his plan, the later he waited the worst his options would be. As he does, he's greeted with a message from his friend. 

_ Tubbo: VC _

Tommy waits for him to start the call, he doesn't know if he wants to join or not. He does. 

"Tommy," the older of the two boys says his name as a greeting- and he can almost feel the happiness radiating off of him; he was in a good mood. It's part of the reason Tommy isn't sure if he should talk, he doesn't want to ruin it. 

"Hel-"

"Can you pick me up?" he questions before he can stop himself. His voice betrays him, shaking like the rest of his body. 

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"It's just my dad-"

"What did he do to you?" Tommy's just about had it when he heard the protectiveness in his voice. All his emotions come back at once, he suddenly remembers how scared he was and the feelings start to overflow. He can't stop them. 

"Nothing- I just god- I hate him so fucking much," his voice cracks at the end, hot tears streaming down his face again. And he knows he's being a crybaby about this- it's normal to get annoyed by your parents he just-

Was it normal?

Normal to not even stand to be in the same house as them without breaking down? 

It had to be, everyone had to deal with that. It was normal.

Tommy's just being a bitch, he's crying over someone's voice _.  _ He's pathetic, he's too childish, too immature, too fucking  _ him  _ for his own good. 

"ommy- Tommy!" Tubbo's voice broke him out of his thoughts. 

"What?" he mumbles, afraid that if he speaks too loud he'll start sobbing again. 

"Where are you?" Tubbo asks, words laced in honey. He can tell how hard he's trying to hide his worries. 

"I-" he pauses to take in a shaky breath, "I don't know," he admits. 

"Tommy can you use your phone to check?" he asks, tone never changing from patient and caring. He feels dumb for not thinking of it when he checks his location. He tells Tubbo, still trying his best to calm down. 

  
  


"That's about a fifteen minute drive, do you want me to stay on call with you?" 

He declines, ending the call. He picks at his wrist for the second time tonight, although much more softly this time. He briefly wonders how long he could've been clean had it not been for his dad. Time seems to move by far too slowly but his nerves calm when he sees Tubbo's car stop before him. Tommy knows how much of a mess he looks like; tears stained his face, his body was chilled and shaky, and blood was dried in a ugly shade of crimson on his wrist. Tubbo didn't seem to mind, accepting him with the same sort of comfort he always provided for the younger and driving them back. He cautiously asks Tommy questions, almost as though he would shatter if his voice was too loud. He would've been mad if he didn't feel that fragile. 

Tubbo's house is warm. It's the first thing Tommy notices about it. His senses were filled with a peacefulness he hasn't experienced before. He's given a warm pair of clothes and Tubbo helps tend to the wound. He says he tripped, he can tell he doesn't believe him but he says nothing, offering him a kind look while he places the bandages. The two settle into comfortable silence, as quiet as the rest of the house. It's only when they settle in for bed- the only sounds filling the room being Tubbo's soft snores (Tommy doesn't seem to mind) and the whirr of the fan- does he realize. 

For the first time in what seemed like forever, Tommy felt safe. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hate it here, I hope you guys enjoy this though <3 This was mainly a vent but I still kinda like how it turned out. Feel free to vent/rant in the comments btw, I'll be replying to anyone who does. Stay safe <3 <3 <3


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